Beep beep boop–is the title of my first blog post in maybe one year. As in, “beep beep boop,” the sounds a computer makes when it’s thinking. The sound a machine makes when it’s operating. Operating has always been a word I can never spell without spell-check because the single ‘p’ is confusing to me. I am by nature an over-analyzer, which has gotten me in loads of trouble, particularly with men and in spelling words. I tend to over-analyze the single ‘p’ until I am convinced it should be a double. Possibly I’ve come to rely on spell-check so much that I don’t even analyze it any longer, and I just go ahead an type two ‘p’s because that seems more natural and the autocorrect does it for me.
Beep beep boop is the sound my mind makes when I try to figure out how I can rewind time and un-do something I did that wasn’t such a good idea, and didn’t have the result I intended. I rarely actually regret something I’ve done and want to go back with a time machine and do everything over. But sometimes I do.
Also the sound my mind makes trying to figure out how to take an action in order to get an intended result. Beep beep boop. Because I am a creature of WILL and I move from my center of will power more than I move from my center of heart. What does that mean exactly? I’m still figuring it out; I will let you know about it. Perhaps when the “beep beep boop” becomes louder than the gentle whirring rhythm of intuition and feeling.
Rhythm is a word I learned to spell in sixth grade band practice because our band instructor was obsessive about us memorizing r-h-y-t-h-m. You can’t be a musician and not be able to spell rhythm. It’s ridiculous. I played the saxophone. (I played for years and got quite good. Then it became nerdy and I joined choir instead and became the dance team captain. Later in life, being a musician becomes cool again, but not in 10th grade band.) A strange, plump, un-cool lady, sort of mean as a teacher, but I think she was good at what she did, and she certainly got me to learn how to spell rhythm. She said to think of the spelling rhythm IN a RHYTHM, r-h-y (rest) t-h-m. Beep beep boop (breath) beep beep boop. R-h-y. T-h-m. To this day, when I type or write rhythm, I am not thinking “rhythm,” I am thinking “r-h-y … t-h-m.” Even when I wrote it just now. I can’t type it without just looking at the letters one by one. Beep beep boop. Beep beep boop.